I reached my breaking point. After being a colicky baby and a tough toddler, Penn has grown so much in maturity over the last year. Now, Everlee's arrival has him backpedaling and me losing my mind. The two of them together is like oil and water. They don't mix. And my handling of his reactions to her show a side of me I hate. I never wanted to be that mom. Quick to temper, frustrating easily, whiny, and saying the word "no" nearly as many times as I breathe. I am being that mom. Where has the cheerful Jess gone?
I asked, well, more accurately cried... to three different adults in the middle of a mommy meltdown, to switch their preschool days. They will start going opposite days after the new year. That way they are not around each other constantly, and I will have one-on-one time with each of them. It's a short term solution, obviously. As Brent told me, "Jess, they are siblings. We can't keep them apart for the rest of their lives." Short. Term. Solution. Penn needs me. Just me. That is the only thing that will bring him back from the dark side. I will be giving up my volunteer time and solo hours, but right now, regaining a sweet, loving son is far more important. We've got to dig him out.
E continues to have the smoothest personal ride. But, we were not prepared for the shoving, pulling, taunting and all ways of bothering her that Penn conjures up. Lord help me. I must maintain my sanity.
Praying for you and your wonderful family Jess! You are a great mother and these tough times and your fortitude will only go prove that more.
ReplyDeletePraying for you. I know you said you are in a better place. Thankful for that. We have 2 of our boys that are like oil and water. I know you know this, but remember, what they need more than you, is Jesus to change their hearts. You can't change them. As often as they fight, as often as you think of it, pray and ask God to be at work, giving them affections for one another that could never be contrived. He is able to do far more than we ask.
ReplyDeleteNow that I have my "twins," trust me, I know how important it can be to give two children some time away from each other. But I also want to let you know that this particular brand of fighting can ebb and flow--meaning it will probably go through phases. Some really bad ones where you just want to pull your hair out, and then some calmer ones where you think they might just be starting to learn to live with each other--at least until the next round of ebb and flow. Give yourself a little credit. Very few people know how hard it is to bring an adopted child into the family and I personally felt I was losing my sanity that first year. You are doing a very difficult thing and it will take time for everyone to adjust, and not a little time but a lot of it. You are doing an amazing job. It's okay if it looks like sub-par parenting because it is really super human parenting in a very difficult situation.
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